Alex Rider vs Artemis Fowl
by MaStEr-WoLfIe
Summary: My friend and I made this...it's funny, but stupid


**Disclaimer:**I do not own the Alex Rider Series, or the Artemis Fowl Series

Hey peoples! Long time no see! Anyways…this is just a stupid little thing that my friend and I made up when we were at school and BORED! It's kind of crazy; it has some cussing in it….

**Spoilers for those who haven't read up to the 6th book **

**Alex Rider vs. Artemis Fowl **

My friend and I were arguing over who was better, Alex Rider (duh!) or Artemis Fowl. So we had a friendly little "battle" where I was Alex Rider and she was Artemis Fowl and we started insulting "each other".

My FRIEND was Artemis Fowl so any problems with him, blame her…and trust me this is REALLY STRANGE!

**AR:** You have a GIRL'S name!

**AF**: Oh yeah! You're a half-wit compared to my great intellect!

**AR:** So? At least I can dodge bullets and have survival instincts while you need a BODYGUARD, you computer geek!

**AF:** DUH! That leaves me to carry out my devious plans because I can MULTITASK and have OTHERS take the friggin bullets! It's my responsibility to think, not yours, you bloody son of a donkey whose incapacitated mother lies in a gutter with her intestines eaten and her wallet stolen!

**AR:** For your information, you crazy Irish bstrd, my mother was a nurse and my father was a spy for MI6 in deep cover while YOUR father was nothing but a common criminal that exports COKE!

**AF:** A criminal, maybe, but able to collect enough funds to rank as one of Ireland's top five richest families while your mother works at minimum wage and your cowardly father has to go undercover! HA! I have enough brains to outsmart any assassins instead of hiding, you DUMB BLONDE!

**AR:** We'll at least I'm a good-looking, slightly built, and I had a GIRLFRIEND! I'm also one of the top football (for you Americans, soccer) players at my school and I'm a black belt while you're a ghastly looking kid that freaks people out, and can barely run 100 meters. No girls would ever go near YOU!

**AF:** …wow…You're right, you are hot! O.O BUT NEVERTHELESS you HAD a girlfriend. She probably dumped you right after she was swept away by my blinding intellect (smoothes back hair) Your IQ doesn't even compare to mine! No brains, all brawn. Bulging muscles won't save you from the People! So DON'T GO THERE, GIRLFRIEND! (snaps fingers)

**AR:** I'M ONE OF THE SMARTEST PEOPLE AT MY SCHOOL YOU DBFK! You think you need no brains in spy work? In fact, thanks to my superior observations skills, I've saved the world so many times that your sorry little a wouldn't even BE HERE if it weren't for ME! Oh…as for my girlfriend, she moved to the states and she would NEVER fall for a measly, pale little kid like YOU! In fact, if Sabina saw you, she'd run away screaming!

**AF:** SHUT UP YOU FING GAY A I'M OUT OF SCHOOL ALREADY AND I've patented 27 inventions, contributed psychology articles, drove a team of psychologists crazy, and accumulated over $15 million in the span of 2 years! (simpers) Oh, I'm the pretty boy captain of the football team (end simper) ABURR! You're such a fing retard you mother ber, and I've saved the world like 3 times from a mass war with the People! As for my skin, YOU COULD NEVER REACH SUCH A BEAUTIFUL COMPLEXION you UGLY FOOL! (pulls out mirror and strokes face)

**AR**: 1) At least I'm not a conceited, self-obsessed little half wit like you—you don't even have any friends!

2) I've saved the world six times! SIX TIMES! If it weren't for me, you would have been:

a) Exposed to a deadly strain of smallpox virus that even vaccines couldn't prevent

b) Been dominated by one of Dr. Grief's ruthless clones

c) Been killed by a nuclear fallout

d) Been poisoned by cyanide

e) Had a space hotel fall on you (_readers: not really…but oh well)_

3) I'll bet you don't even know HOW to play football, or if you did, you wouldn't even be able to kick the ball further than 3 feet

4) At least my mum wasn't some simpering idiot that cares only for hot springs

**AF:** So? I wouldn't have been killed! All I had to do was seek refuge with the Lower Elements! Foaly would've picked them up! And, of course, I'd have Butler kick the ball! On to negotiations…pulls out an Artemis Fowl swimsuit catalog perhaps you would like to make a purchase. And yes, that's me as the model :p or would you prefer to wear a lion skin loin cloth like you always do, you Neanderthal?

**AR:** (sweat drop) what are YOU smoking you little sht? I'm not even going to respond to that, but I've met many millionaires before…from what I know, they're all demented snobs—you're no exception you little momma's boy with a girl's name and a last name fit for a chicken!

**AF**: I AM ARTEMIS THE HUNTER! I AM WORTHY OF THAT NAME! AND I'M NO MOMMA'S BOY YOU…YOU…PAPPA'S BOY! Goody-goody two shoes! But…(flips open the catalog and shoves a picture of a half-naked Artemis into Alex's face) the workmanship is exquisite! Buy a thong, get one free! Would you like me to try one on?

**AR**: Urgh! I've about had enough of YOU! (performs a ushiro-geri, or back kick, and leaves the crumpled form of Artemis behind along with a burning catalog)

…..too be continued….


End file.
